Tomorrow I will officially be full term! Meaning this little guy can come any time he pleases now. I’ve knocked out a good number of items on my to-do list, but a few still remain. I don’t feel like he’s going to come anytime in the next week at least (in fact I’m betting he comes a little past due – fashionably late like his momma), so I’ll really buckle down and get stuff done! The nursery is almost complete and it is so cute. I keep picturing a tiny baby living in there, and it feels so surreal and yet so imminent! I just found out that my health insurance should cover a breast pump, so I will be looking into that ASAP. My baby shower is Saturday, so excited! I don’t think it’ll be a very big event, but that’s just fine. It’s nice to have a few people who care about me and my growing family. 🙂
I had my OB appointment on Tuesday this week. She said my cervix feels softer, but still no dilation or any other signs of impending labor. She did briefly mention that I have a flat pubic arch, but she’s seen many women have vaginal deliveries with that anatomy. Of course, I started thinking about that later and what she meant by it, so I consulted my handy dandy google. It turns out that lots of women have been told that they have flat pubic/pelvic arches by their doctors and then the doctors push for a c-section. My doctor said it so lightly in passing and the word “c-section” never even came out of her mouth, so I’m not too concerned. I definitely prefer a vaginal birth over a c-sec, so we will see how it goes. I’m secretly hoping that all my years of dancing and above-average flexibility will come in handy. I don’t really have a birth plan. If anything, my birth plan is to get an epidural probably around 5 cm dilated (but who knows) and hopefully have one that allows me to still feel some pressure but not the pain and will let me be able to push effectively when it comes time. I’d rather not have pitocin, but I will if it’s necessary (duh). Beyond that, everything is just a wish basically… I wish that I will have contractions begin and be able to labor at home for a while before going to the hospital and getting an epidural. I wish that my water won’t break before I have contractions. I wish that my baby will be healthy and I’ll be able to hold him skin to skin right after birth and attempt breastfeeding. I know you can’t plan every detail of labor, but I don’t think it hurts to have some ideas in mind of how I might like things to go. I’ve been thinking a lot about the birth lately. And I’m not scared. I’m actually really excited. I feel like I know a lot about the process and the many different ways it can go. I am excited to see how my experience is. I know it’s going to be hard and I know that I can’t anticipate everything, but I just get so excited thinking about telling J “it’s go time!”
Just for the sake of having a record for myself, I’ll give a few stats on how my pregnancy has been lately. I kinda dropped doing the whole “bumpdate” thing a while back, but I realize I haven’t been the best at documenting the details. Anyway…
I’ve gained a total of 25 pounds so far. With 3 weeks to go, I feel pretty good about that. I can’t imagine what it would be like to gain much more weight than this though. My back, hips, tailbone, and knees all hurt, and I’m sure it’s due in large to the extra poundage. As someone who has always been slender (just shy of 5’8″ and my average weight is usually 120 or so), I am not accustomed to seeing and feeling myself be so much larger. I’ll admit, I’m pretty excited to lose this baby weight already. I just kind of miss being able to maneuver about as normal. I’ve made it so far without a single stretch mark… on my belly. I have no idea why, but they chose to crop up at the very top of my inner thigh. So unfair, my thighs haven’t even hardly changed! I swear 95% of the weight is in my belly! Nevertheless, I don’t think I’ll ever feel comfortable wearing a swimsuit without shorts again. But if that’s the price I pay, I can definitely live with it. I’m always either famished or so full I might throw up. There’s no in between for me anymore, which is kind of frustrating, but I deal. If you’ve been keeping up with my story, you know I had all day sickness up until about 17 weeks. That subsided just as I started a 6ish week saga of back to back head colds and then influenza. No nausea then, yay. Once I was healthy again though, I’ve experienced what actual morning sickness is, where I feel like I want to throw up for about an hour after leaving the house in the morning. Also yay. That’s still been a friend of mine, except it’s starting to ramp up again. I think my intestines are so smashed these days that I feel nauseated more often. The great thing about the third trimester for me has been that I can actually function like a normal human and get things accomplished. I can be more productive with my time and I don’t lay down right when I get home from work anymore. Real yay! I’m still really tired all the time and sleep isn’t the best, but I can usually deal with it now. I fall asleep super fast at night because I’m just so exhausted by then, but of course wake up to shift positions all night, drink water, go potty, etc. I have probably at least 20 Braxton Hicks on any given day. They are starting to get exhausting. At first, they didn’t have any pain and hardly any discomfort. Now, they do. I really wish there was some obvious correlation between Braxton Hicks and the easiness of your labor, but they still don’t even really know what their purpose is. There’s some speculation, but it’s not very valid research-wise. Baby boy is doing great, as far as I can tell. He moves around a good amount every day. Some days he goes crazy and other days it’s just a persistent, ever-present here and there movement.
One funny thing about pregnancy is that you suddenly become everyone’s best friend. Okay not exactly best friend, but a definite point of interest. Strangers always ask questions (“when’s the baby due?” “boy? you carry so low”), just smile and stare at my belly (yes, in an elevator once I rode up three floors with a middle-aged Asian man staring at my belly and smiling- creepy but also cute in a weird way), and open doors/give up seats/generally treat me more kindly. People that I actually know do this and more – mostly asking “how are you feeling?” to which I give the generic “great! just getting ready for this baby to come.” and I swear 50% of the time they then follow up by asking me if my ankles are swollen and take a look at my feet. Um, no, they’re doing just fine thank you, how are your ankles? I know some people are just trying to be nice or make conversation through all these things. Other people, and I can usually tell the difference, are genuinely interested in how I am. When someone shows true interest in my well being, I will usually give more details, but honestly, it’s to the point that there’s not much to say besides my generic “great! just getting ready for this baby to come.” I’m a pretty standard, boring, regular ol’ pregnant lady. And I’m actually really grateful for that. Boring is good. It means no complications.
All in all, things are going well and just as they should be. I can’t complain too much. And I hope this post doesn’t just sound like a bunch of complaining. I want to document how I’m really feeling, so I’m just trying to be truthful.
Today I came across a picture that was taken when I was pregnant the first time, back in Nov. 2013. It was actually the picture we were going to use to announce that we were expecting. It’s one of my favorite photographs of myself and J, kissing, in front of a brick wall with a “Bump Ahead” road sign on the wall next to us (expertly photoshopped in by yours truly). It brought back all of the pure, innocent, happy go lucky excitement I remember feeling. We were giddy and everything was so new to us. That picture then served only as a reminder of heartache for months after we lost the baby. I hadn’t looked at it in a long time, and when I saw it today it made me sad. Sad that we never used the picture or shared it with anyone. When I got pregnant this time, we kept it very hush hush and didn’t even tell our families until I was about 14 weeks. We never posted it to social media. Part of it was out of privacy and the fact that I use Facebook less and less, but part of it was out of fear. I didn’t want to make something public only to have to come back and give bad news to everyone. It took me a long time to get over my fear and to trust in the Lord’s will. This is something I am still learning. Anyway, back to the picture. I really do love the photo and it reminds me of all these things and more. It reminds me that it is important to not let life make you jaded. That even though we go through hard things, there was once a time that we were giddy and innocently excited. A bit naive, sure, but hopeful. Just because things don’t always go as planned and bad things happen doesn’t mean that we should live life expecting the worst, or even giving into the “expect the worst but hope for the best” mentality. Because that’s a bunch of junk. I really don’t think it is possible for those two ways of thought to exist simultaneously. In order to hope for the best, you have to expel the negative thoughts and fears. Light and darkness do not coexist. The second a light is present, the darkness ceases. Sometimes the darkness fades into light slowly, as the dawning sun, rather than being immediately expelled as a light being switched on in a dark room. The important thing is to let the light expel the dark and not be diminished. Have I spoken in enough of a metaphor yet? Haha. I just wish that back at the beginning of this pregnancy I had been able to more quickly find a balance of having gained knowledge and experience, while still remaining hopeful and positive. I’ve learned a lot in the past couple of years. Partly I would like to display the picture somewhere in our home, to serve as a reminder of the many, many things I have learned already, but part of me would feel funny doing so. My relationship with J has changed in more ways than I can count since that picture was taken. In many ways I feel like we are completely different people. Life sure is full of adventures. And I have a feeling that our greatest adventure is just about to begin.